Poems To My Love

Perfect Mess

2007-11-26T21:41:00.000-08:00

I tried so many times to set these feelings aside.
I carried so many emotions inside.

Had things been any different than what I thought I could control,
I would of been the one who never walked thu your front door.

Clouded judgment carried so many mis-understandings for you and I.
I can safely admit that I was willing to give 100% and just try.

Your such a bitch
u became so irate over some of the most stupid bullshit.

No, I didn't help,
but I found that this was your problem and I was second best from the hand I was dealt.

Every thing seems so un perfect
Maybe a mess of frustrated entangled dialect.

You lost 1 that would never discredit your views.
You lost 1 who was less likely to see you as old news.

We had so much in our favor.
Such a shame your so blind to let it just dwindle like a common everyday normal behavior.

You are perhaps gone?
But my mind is constantly on u and where we went wrong.

What a perfect mess.
I feel like none the less...

Connection

2007-08-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

Connection

We always find a way to connect.
like the moment I first kissed your neck.

We can talk for over an hour,
yet you pinch the possibility held within a flower.

Check this out.
You are the one who which I have no doubt.

When you come to your senses,
I will hold my hand open and not make you feel like jumping fences.

Perhaps it is hard for you to understand right now.
But when you grasp this fundamental wow,
we will be forced to take a bow.

You see, I know you are the one.
And I think you know too but you expect much more fun.

It doesn’t get any better
You can search forever and try to be clever.

But you will never
ever,
find it better.

In the end
We will mend.

Life does go on.
Together we will and can see dawn.

Just 2 Be

2007-06-27T10:18:00.001-07:00

I guess it is easy for her to just be free.
From us, everything we had and even me.

Stepping out in front of a speeding bus.
It seems like the only way to get rid of this inner fuss.

Alone and here.
Nothing seems to fill that void that makes itself clear with every painful tear.

It makes me crazy knowing you felt something so loving and true.
And then feeling like the four years was looked at like a used shoe.

Capture that memory and relocate those intentions.
Put them where they belong and be honest with us like what Dr. Phil mentions.

I tripped.
I fell.
You said see you next fall.
But your not really coming back are you no matter how loud I call.

What kind of a person does that to anyone?
Why did I let myself give in when the reality is this is really is not fun.

Tomorrow is not here.
Yesterday is still near.
Today, this moment, this very unique space in time I wish was being spent with the one I called dear.

So many kind and gentle words.
So many memories that one can not just pretend are blurs.

It's anything that I would do.
Nothing would stand in my way.
Not even the uncertainty of you.
Even if you don't see it now, soon the love I have will come into view.

There is nothing wrong with this and I am not insane...
Men have fought wars for a woman, taken over countries knowing their hands carried more than just one blood stain.

I am still humble being able to see the forest through the trees.
Being able to listen and hear the faint sound of the bees.

You have got to go deep within yourself woman.
Just try and find that space you know exists without interference from the outside clan.

It will always lead you away from what is right.
It's always easier to just go on and not fight.

This was not a test drive.
I was never more happier with you, I was happy to be alive.

You are you and I accept you for that.
I am me and I didn't mean to make you feel like a door mat.

Your beautiful to me.
Everything you can not see.
I would be on bended knew.
I would honor and respect you like no other could ever be.

Just 2 be,
the only one you see.

Six Two Seven Zero Seven

2007-06-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

Imagine this,
A few months later and I still miss.

I hide my key in a safe place.
It unlocks my front door to my frustrating discrace.

She is one of four who can open the door.
A trust I promised myself I would give no more.

Yet, I leave it there hoping she may come around.
With maybe a change of heart that is not hard to be re-found.

Where is the rewind button?
Why does she keep herself so shut in?

We were not a one night stand.
We were four years of something more and it started when she took my hand.

She asked me to come into her life.
Then she asked me to leave like Barney Fife.

Yes, I'm sad.
And mad.
Frustrated too.
And I'll be the first to admit it , I loose my cool.

But so did you.
Over small things that now seem so silly to make one stew.

Know what? I forgive you. Please do the same for me.
Im crazy over here knowing you know where I hide my key.

Your locks were changed on that day I moved out that I quietly took 1 week and strategically arranged.

Now I regrett being like this and miss having even the glimps.
The simple characteristics a fool (like myself) would miss.

It was not all for nothing.
The love between us had to account for something.

I know you better and after all the reasons I could of used, you still ended up doing the dumping.
And I am left here wondering why my heart and thoughts are still cliff jumping.

Im your casuaity here.
And yet still, I would go back without fear.

Even if it took you years to see past my stupid insecurity.

Just to understand that all I really want again is to simply be near you and hope to hold your hand.
It's only a request, not a demand.
You helped me find myself and helped me take a stand.

These blue eyes...
They have seen to many nights of lonley gliserine from held back cries.

I was drowning in endless bottles.
Something I never did before - this insane switch that my mind continuisly toggles.

Between pitty and anger with myself.
Then to frustration with you because I understand how lucky I was to be to you something top shelf.

And then off I fell.
And all im asking is to just be forgiven and to please honestly try like hell.

The key will stay in the same place.
When your ready, I'll be glad to see your face.

Desire Thee

2007-01-09T14:34:00.000-08:00

I claim you as mine.
No other has a right or knows how much I think of you all the time.

I belong to no-one,
other than you and your wonderful son.

I have longed for your presence many nights alone.
So many times I just wanted to pick up the phone.

Dana, to hear your voice,
displaces this insecure feeling of making a bad choice.

You have been my hero,
many times, even the nights your brought home gyro's

How thoughtful you have always been
I missed that part and now it drags me into a aweful feeling of sin.

Clandestinity to my own sarrow.
Hidden within a hindered moment that has chosen to follow.

Me around
I can not stand with out you on this ground.

The sound of how you onced felt a desire for thee.
Leaves me feeling like the ass that I did not need to be.

I feel like I am in a prison now.
Built with skill and integritity on what I thought was how,

It was to be for you and I,
But, now I show this shinner seen when you look into my eye.

I want to fight for you,
And prove that this we can make it through.

It will be something that, if seen in the past,
How we had the courage to make it through everything and last.

To the end
I am your to mold and bend.

I desire you still
I hope you can one day desire thee again and the void that we must fill.

You are everything I have always wanted and our life was so nice,
It is all so clear to me now and I will do what ever you require, just through the dice...

My Heart

2007-01-07T17:52:00.000-08:00

Only a discrepancy
To those that know nothing of me.

For you,
I have such a clue.

And me?
I ask many times for your love to just be.

Within me,
I hold a key.

To unlock this distance,
and displace this resistance.

For you and I,
Have such a wonderful existence to look forward too and one day just lye.

Next to each other,
and think of nothing that could implicate us as nothing more than just a lover.

We have something tied by fate.
An intricate fact realized on our first date.

Make me your wife,
you stated by saying nothing and just being a part of your life.

This heart, my heart
Can not even begin to start.

To see my heart
Is something I indicated to you without any resistance open being a target to your dart.
That aimed strait and did not part.

Like we have
This separation has left me feeling like nothing is wonderful or lav

-erish,
a terracotta dish

Holding a night blooming jasmine,
that says so much during the moments when the bloom starts to open.

The expression in your voice,
The night you stated such a feeling of pro-choice.

Made me see
You were meant to be.

And...

I was the man to see
Just how much you mean to me.

I hear what you say.
Every single day.

I just missed the important indicators,
that lead us to where we felt we had to create creators.

Within our hearts
We hold nothing more than moments of brain farts.

Things we could of done,
things that could of given us much fun.

My heart,

will...
re-start.

the day you...

remove this dart.

I miss you so much.
Not only you, but Jake also and the entire family and such.

Next date we go on,
want to go dutch?

To Tell

2007-01-05T18:07:00.000-08:00

This means more than...
Finding the words of expression from this man.

Talking to you gives me light.
It made my night.

I know we have been through so much.
But that is the past and I care to not talk about it or anything of such.

Just like you always say.
Same shit different day.

To tell me anything that comes from your heart,
Has always been the best thing I had admired about you from the start.

You are true.
and you,
Have so much to,
offer too.

To tell this story,
Would probably find some new found glory.

This new shirt,
can not hide the hurt

But it will hide the tattoo I bare,
On my right arm that makes me dare,

To change,
And rearrange.

This dysfunctional, emotional and fearful man.
Sees all that was within his hand.

I was your biggest fan.
Even the times to hide you ran.
And yes, even when you ate flan.

To tell you my heart was the biggest part.
Would not be enough to make you believe I cared from the start.

And those actions I did not take,
Well those were my biggest mistake.

It was not that I did not try
It was because I just felt so comfortable and high.

To tell you this is hard.
But I could once tell you anything no matter what life dealt as a card.

To tell me 3 simple words, I did not really understand.
Why you couldn't before and
hold my hand
like before when we walked on the beach in the sand.

Now I can see why,
I can not lie,
Inside I cry,
for one more try.

I will not rely
on you or anybody because I now see that I can fly.

To tell?
Well?

Look To

2007-01-04T13:34:00.001-08:00

I wish I had you
to
look to.

There are so many things,
I associate with our past that brings.

How I miss you so
I do not think you can even contemplate or know.

So many gates,
Now locked and closed because of my bad judgment on many dates.

I wish to try just one more time.
Can you find just drop me a line?

I now see how to solve,
this indiscretion and revolve.

Back to me,
come and see.

It wont be a waste of your life.
I promise this time, I can make it right.

I miss being able to look to you.
So much we've been through.
So much good, and bad only a few.

A Sea

2007-01-03T15:28:00.000-08:00

How can I just let this destroy me?
How can she just play this out and not even see?

Many times I looked into her eyes and seen a beautiful ocean
Hearing her soft tender voice always reminded me of my devotion.

I feel so broke inside.
I have opened myself and let go of my pride.

I accept all I have done wrong.
I had the legality to blame her for things going on this long.

If she knew how sorry I really was
She would be in my arms right now and forgiving me like she always does.

This sea
To separate may be
A test to find the true reason in her and me

Perhaps it is over?
If that is so it was because I drover her,
Insane?

Please beat me with a cane.
I deserve to feel the pain

Oh how I wish she could make me one more dish.

Such a thoughtful person all around
How crazy I was to not listen to her frustrating spoken sound.

I see
a sea
within me
and thee
maybe
she
will willingly
openly
forgive me.

I am sorry D

Down

2007-01-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

Why in the world does this mean nothing?
How can she be interested caring and loving?

Filled with worthlessness to her like anything we did was nothing important.
Why in the hell does she act to reluctant.

If she cared at all
She would at least call.

But she just goes to hide.
Because she is scared to face her pride.

Here I am wide open and seriously not joking.
And yes, I have again started smoking.

But it calms my frustration.
Of knowing how much I caused her agitation.

I am down.
I was her clown.
I am sure she has not even shown a frown.

This is dumb
I am numb
she has no idea how much I miss giving her a rub.

Her feet, her back.
Every square inch of her body I miss touching because I had the knack.

I ask for forgiveness
I get silence and distance.

I'm just down
If I died today she would never again see this clown.

Mistake

2007-01-02T10:34:00.001-08:00

She gives, I take.
Now, the thought of my ignorance I can't shake

But wait, I realized what needed to change.
I didn't at first because it was not in range.

now,
somehow

Im not worth the time.
Even after i promised every last dime.

This was a crime
she took my emotions out of line.

My mistake.
I let her in and now I miss her and Jake.

4:21

2007-01-01T14:01:00.001-08:00

New years day no fun.
I miss my ex-girlfriends son

He probably hates me to.
Everything I thought was right wont come true.

Hinder some resolution,
this emotional restitution,
that vision of inclusion
in all that was to be seems only now a delusion.

A woman indeed
none other, she had no greed.
She gave it all when I was in need.
We planted a seed

I wanted so,
to watch us grow
into much more than we had and not worry about doe.

A massive attack
an institution in fact.

Our genitic make up worked together
The thought of her still tickles my heart with a fether.

That first kiss,
we both agreed was something we both miss.

Sad she feels like this.
We fell away from our intention of bliss.

32 Minutes

2006-12-31T20:39:00.001-08:00

Tell me how
my feelings can't be renowned

This woman cuases me a frown.

New years is a time 4 rejoice!
Why is it over?

i can't believe this white noise.

A Must

2006-12-31T19:56:00.001-08:00

>From my phone
I send this poem

wishing we could be.
together again just u and me.

I hear drunk people being loud
but it doesnt quiet the thought of us and what we had.

I have to admit, the night i first seen u I felt lust.
Then the reality set in the moment u gave me your trust.

I used to watch u sleep on the couch.
I never thought my heart would feel this ouch.

We faultered in this together,
Why do I feel im the only one that caused us to hinder.

You let me go.
It made me feel so low.

I
cry
sigh
and wonder why.
Im such a terible person inside.

because i took our child
the one that replaced your dog because of the emotions that piled.

Up with our feeling of missing.
Everything that became a reality without a blessing.

I have in you an umcomparable trust,
That has always been a must.

Please, can u find within yourself some sort of strenghth that breaks
away that crust?

Of anger, frustration, anamosity and feelings of distrust.

Lets not blow our past away,
like the wind blows the dust.

I know its asking a lot
but its a must.
My heart is a bust.

Erase Me

2006-12-31T17:00:00.000-08:00

Erase me from your past
You should of just let it last.

Why would you deny me the chance to better us?
You just get scared and let your heart implement too much fuss.

I hurt inside
Yet, I still miss all you offered which I cried.

You just turned away.
Left me feeling like melting clay.

You put me in the rain.
My feelings I caused you forced you so much pain.

If I could take it back
I would come back with more and make those chips stack.

In our favor
Like the day you gave yourself to me and that moment I so saviour.

The night we watched Lion King
It was so something that felt so satisfying.

The romance that kept us alive
I missed it and did all you asked to strive.

To have it back again
So we could become more than just livin.

Trip to Disney meant so much
I miss the day we just wondered and took pictures and such.

The time we watched the sunset
Letting time pass us by just sitting and not thinking about anyone else we met.

The kiss on new years,
It felt like something that was meant to be the end of a bad past full of tears.

You lifted me up
Now I feel like nothing more than a helpless pup.

Without a home
Everything you shown.

You taught me so much more.
More than anyone has ever galore.

I feel so lost without you
I feel so mad in this world and have no clue.

What to do?
I should of followed through.

It would of been the answer
to make you see my devotion to you and everything we were both after.

How can you just erase me?
I left you alone like you wished to be.

Now I cant even hear your voice
It hurts so bad as though you are full of rejoice.

Sorry I hold on
But my heart just cares so much and everything about you refuses to just be gone.

I feel like a part two
Is something for both I and you.

That was not proper English
But does it matter? I promise not to be selfish.

It is not just up to me.
It is up to what you think and care about for it to be.

8:53 new years eve.
Only 3 hours and 7 minutes till a year ago that I acted like somebody you wanted to reprieve.

From my own ridicules emotions
We distanced each other over ridicules commotions.

I am so sorry D
I just miss everything you and I had and would do anything for you to reconcider the thought to erase me.

She Don't Know

2006-12-29T16:41:00.000-08:00

Distracted by promiscuous offers made.
She don' know it but I turned down getting laid.

No lie...
If she knew the value I felt for her and I

Nothing can cloud my judgment of remaining true.
To the one woman that means so much and actually has a clue.

For this life,
Her and I shared much more than just rolling the dice.

The one I thought.
Which caused me such madness just to teach me a lesson that needed to be taught.

I was cold to you
I took all you offered and pissed you off not just one time but a few.

You see, I accept all of this now.
Unlike those times I just talked and talked and you utterly had a cow.

How foolish
Not seeing the very reason I fell for you because of your simple ways that were so little girlish.

So adorable
So un-ignorable
So forgivable
So logical
but most of all,
the most fulfilling person to take my life and give me a reason to be accountable.

If she knew what she don't know
It may be a reason to find clarity and decide to take it slow.

She don't know
how low
my heart has been forced to go.
because of this blow
I started without understanding the outcome that would eventually show.

I am sorry so.
Forgive me before both our hearts descend so far to where we can not forgive one another for everything that has transpired to view each other as a foe.

She don't know
The sadness I truly feel because of my selfish ignorance I must let go.

Whatever clever reason to never ever sever this endeavor.
Her and I chose to venture without any fear or excuses that ruffled this feather.

Who was I?
I was me and she was looking for everything I offered like an average guy.

My heart was hurt the day we met.
Not from from her but from a past that I couldn't control and interfere I let.

She don't know,
How I miss her so.

Reluctant To Influence

2006-12-28T18:36:00.001-08:00

Reluctant To Influence
Such distant prudence

I share my inner thoughts
And all she sees is meandering meaningless words that cause her knots.

The stress was eating her away.
But it was I that only hoped for one more day.

Holding her hand felt so electrifying.
Candid moments still haunt this mind is what I am implying.

I am not obsessed.
I am only emotionally distressed.

I drove her to this
It was me that caused her to demand I leave, but she gave everything,
even the pot to piss.

it is 8:03
Time is only up to me.

I am free
so is she.

I will have what I want now,
But I am thankful for how she gave so much. Bang, Boom, Pow!

I am here, just me and my fear

But it is nothing more than me faced with decisions and directions I
now control and steer.

I have come to understand it is her loss.
She has the issues, I would never take this relationship and just toss.

The coin and accept loss.

This mystry is nothing more than a silly, stupid, decision of her own
indescresion in what we could be if she only gave it have a chance to
be understanding to my wishes of a paramount and life altering
personality revision.

I offered many times and expressed my deepest regret
But all she could see was me being nothing more that a stupid maget.

In her life, many times. I gave her the backing to be more than she could
She wont think of that now because It was her I never really understood.

Distant and standoffish
Eger to pick and make me cave like an ugly pottery dish.

Just a lesson from another
Like passes us by, and soon there will be one other.

I wont wait long.
I have to write a song.

These are the words of life
I will mean them and remember that I once wanted her to be my wife.

What a loss.
she was the boss.

I felt that I tried at all cost.
Just to find myself only lost.

Again, it's nothing new
only a grim fucking reminder of what made everything in her head stew.

Fuck!
You have no clue
All I am is because of what I chose to do.
But it was not for me it was for us Dana, Myself, Jake and You.

I will probably soon hate you too.
Just like you wanted me and intened without much effort from myself for you.

Just because you refuse to see me as a good influance.
While I was in your life, I now see I was just a simple quick occurance.

Sorry I am bitter
But you are the quitter.

But I am the loser.
And to think, I looked at you and thought, I choose her.

My Master

2006-12-28T12:12:00.001-08:00

I do worship your ground u stand.
Sorry we crashed, I should of let u fly so we could safely land.

When words say nothing
There has to be something.

I could do it all over.
I hope to once unite us as i carry this lucky clover.

She went to hide.
I want to be @ home inside.

I lied
I denied
I took it all out of proportion just to be justified.

Now, 3 hours ago
I cried.

hurt me
kill me
put me down
I will still worship u without a frown like a clown.

You are my master.
This is my wonderful disaster.

Words

2006-12-27T23:33:00.000-08:00

Mean nothing left unsaid.
Reaching your ears as though you were dead.

Am I nothing to you?
Do you go away like this because you have too?

The last word you said to me was "fine".
The moment I read it, I took a small sip and cherished the taste of my wine.

Why do I hold on to you?
How can you say almost nothing at all and make me blue.

This is so easy for you isn't it?
You just turn me off and answer me when you see fit.

You could tell me to do something crazy,
I would do it and not be lazy.

The missing side of you has driven me to that place where I found loneliness.
I can not even understand why you have no vision for any future bliss.

I just miss
That morning kiss.
Waking up with Jake and talking about goals and making a list.

This hurts so bad I just want to take my fist
Beat my head senseless till my eyes start to mist.

I wanted to seek council.
You wanted me to just leave without hassle.

What happened to the commitment?
Where did that person inside of you go Dana? To find resentment?

You found it
Just like that time Jacob pointed out that zit.

On my face,
Are the tears of disgrace.

We came so far to only bail on each other...
What a great and wonderful way to talk about me to your mother.

Dana, I hurt inside...
Thinking you hate me for being ugly and annoying you anytime the thought of me is on your mind.

I wish you I could share this with you
But you would probably think I was being a Pansy, that's nothing new.

On my own,
I will still help you, just let that be known.

My eyes closed cherish your vision.
As you can not see the desire you have always arisen.

Of the women I have had, you were not the greatest of all
But your quiet heart and best qualities have captivated me the most and been my hardest fall.

Are we even in a relationship?
The stupidest thing I said that night, god what a dipshit.

All of this from one simple word.
A flow of emotions and nothing is even heard.

"Fine"
it was yours, not mine.

pon-tif-i-cate

2006-12-16T17:35:00.000-08:00

To express opinions or judgments in a dogmatic way.

That about explains it. That is what my main issue is.
Perhaps I gained this side of me from my mother?

I have no clue anymore...

What I do know is that it has complicated this relationship.
But I never claimed to be a bishop.

If I had a clue
I would use the best glue.

To do what?
Maybe just clean it up and not be the rediculas nut.

Dana means so much to me.
Jake as well.

My selfish ways caused our hears to swell,
with anger, frustration, and apathy.

I never had intended for it to be.
So messed up and seperated from me.

If I knew how to cultivate something inside of me that was new,
I would express it and do what I have always done and that is remain true.

Maybe she wants something new?
Perhaps some young guy that has no clue.

Of what she is like
or what she put me through?

NO thats not it.
I can not understand why I put myself in this pit.

These emotions have become my rehelm and my sancuary that
transpire into shame and regret of what I always destroy.

I have so much more to look foward too than to be like this.
Dana, I am sorry there was so much that I cant stand to miss.

November

2006-11-16T12:52:00.000-08:00

Only half way there.
Things have been so great she even cut her hair.

Beautiful as ever
I care so much and will leave her never.

November brings 3 years for us
I am so happy we made it this far and things are now without fuss.

You have my love
These wings were once clipped like a tamed dove.

I grow for this
we found bliss.

Soon you may offer a morning kiss.
How sweet you smell when your close like this.

A Turn

2006-10-14T17:52:00.000-07:00

For the better things have taken a turn,
Perhaps it is because that part of you has wanted to learn,

About me and what is to be.

It all seems somewhat great.
I only hope that the next time I make an attempt to hold you close I wont be required to masturbate.

As down right selfish that sounds,
I want to make love to you and feel your heavenly curves located near your mounds.

Maybe you will let me inside of you?
Mentally, physically and all those ways that I once knew.

You are the glue that brings all my desires in life true.
I just all around miss you.

I miss everything sensual and arousing you used to do.
When you would undress me and I would do the same to you.

For a long time it always felt new.
And before all of this it was something I would long for, and still I always do.

Either I am too high or too low
Or it was how far I pushed myself inside that made you say whoa…

I am sorry my facial hair bothered you.
I wish you could just let it all go so we could just make love like we used to do.

I wish you could be tender with me and try not try to hinder me.
Can you understand?
It is you that for the rest of my life I want to be hand in hand.
Can you just try to act like a woman for once and not like a man?

Well, I am off to prepare for a good time with you.
I hope that you will open up and allow me to seduce your mind and hopfully you just like we used too.

Impersonal

2006-10-08T17:44:00.000-07:00

To be impersonal with me
You act as though you have set me free.

I just want you to see love you so,
It is not fair for you to just let me think like you have let me go.

Everything you are,
Is something I have always wanted from this.

We have given each other much,
So many situations between us that we perhaps lost touch.

Why be so impersonal with me
I have made so much of an improvement just so we can be.

I miss holding you so,
I miss those nice conversations that - just seemed to flow...

All the nice things you have done
I have never forgotten I just never expected I would feel so alone.

It is all really up to me?
For us to capture what once used to be?

This will take the 2 of us,
I have made an effort and I get the impression that I have missed the bus.

Will you ever love me back?
Will this pain inside of me be understood by you in fact?

I only write these words for myself
I intend that someday you will take your love for me off the shelf.

We can make what we once had alive.
It is just a decision that we focus on and all we should do is strive.

Can you just be my wife?
Can we just live our life?

This family is something I have always wanted.
I lost focus of it and mentally I have noted.

I do everything I can to change my ways...
I look for brighter days...

Being a part of your life is a once in a life time thing.
I celebrate what we have and so want us to bond with a ring.

Isolated

2006-10-04T19:31:00.000-07:00

When you feel isolated and alone
do you feel jaded or like a clone?

Why won't you let me in.
Why won't you show me your beautiful grin?

What is wrong?
If I could dedicate a song...

It would be,
something from me.

I have the words.
I sing them and my heart stirs.

I wish you could hear it.
Then perhaps you may love me once did and you used to flirt.

Am I that much of a disgusting fool?
I feel like such a tool.

Sometimes I feel like I should of just drown in that pool when I was 9.
I wouldn't be here now and this wouldn't be so hard this time.

I feel lost.
I will do whatever you require at any cost.

If you only knew
just how much this heart has turned blue.

You don't give me any affection.
This crossroads of your life has reached it's intersection.

It is time to take a turn.
It is time to stop this freezer burn.

Don't you get it dear?
Do you care if I am even here?

I love you so
but my heart is bleeding oh so slow.

Just love me back
That's how these chips are sitting in this stack.

Build Me Up

2006-08-15T11:40:00.000-07:00

I ask you to build me up.
I ask you to never claim to hate my guts.

Seems like much to ask,
when everything we thought we new becomes a task

to fix
Maybe It"s because the rest were dicks.

Being hurt carries great weight
Becoming readjusted with someone new other than you is like moving to another state.

Through disapointment courage hides within the cracks
From countless angles my own mind, emotions, and feelings attack.

Trampled

2006-08-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

Trying to conquer my frustration.

Holding my inner anger back is creating this commotion,

In my head I cry for togetherness once again.

Having so much guilt for not seeing the signs
can eat a person up all over on their insides.

Do you hate me for my inconsistencies?
Do you not cherish my idosycricies?

If these questions were asked by you to me.
I would reply negative for thee.

Everything about you is all I have ever needed.
Its all things that I begged and pleeded.

I'm asking for you show affection
I'm asking you give me some positive reflection
For the attempts I have put into action.
Just a hint of something would give me hope and satisfaction.

Is it too much to ask?
Can you please see that I am no longer wearing this mask?

I understand we must re-develope - re-create - and most importantly reciprocate.

Am I selling myself short for no reason at all?
or
Is your love for me just something you want to ignore?

Some of the things you do have saddened me so...
How you tell me to use my hand because what I want is someplace you do not want to go.

When you have left in the morning and left me laying alone, not kissing me goodbye like you have been so apt too many times before.

Can't you see.
My emotional train wreck piles up one car at a time, feeling angered with myself because the love I care for has distanced herself from me.

The person I once knew gave so much and felt through and through.
Can you find it in your heart to give me a clue.

I am trying to fix what I fucked up because damned, you are my glue.
I promise to remain true
no matter what we do.

We just need to renew
What we once felt is on queue.